Inside a Song

Anybody who knows me at all, knows that music is really important to me. I listen to lots of different types-- instrumental piano/orchestral and cinematic scores are my favorites, but I also enjoy classical, jazz, pop, some country, and even a fair bit of metal and alternative music (which often surprises people, since I don't really fit the "metalhead" type).
The other day, when I was finishing up the second book of The Lord of the Rings, (which is the second half of The Fellowship of the Ring, see previous blog post)I was at the part where the Company arrives at Cerin Amroth in Lorien. Samwise observes that being in the land of the Elves is like being "inside a song;" an expression which I liked very much. What does it mean to be inside a song? As a musician, I think that studying and performing music is getting inside a song. To learn a song well, you have to really work at it. Even once you've learned the notes and the proper fingering for everything, you have to make sure you're interpreting it well-- putting in the crescendos and diminuendos, using rubato where appropriate, using the pedals properly, etc. Once you've mastered all the minutiae of the composition, you're free to put yourself into the song (although, as my Piano Ensemble instructor last semester pointed out, only a singer can perform a "song." Instrumentalists perform "pieces." Technically.), which is something that is really hard to describe. I do it better when I'm alone.

For me, performing music for other people is a lot different than just playing for myself or for a teacher. And not just because I get nervous, either. When I'm playing alone, it's much... freer. It's hard to describe. I'm playing exactly the same notes, with more or less the same technique and the same expression, but the music moves slower. Most performers have a tendency to perform things at a higher tempo than they practice them, but it's more than that; even if I manage to keep the tempo is the same, the music feels slower to me, because I'm in kind of a "zen" state. More in the moment. When I'm performing, it's like driving on the freeway instead of on a county road. Everything seems to happen faster, and the stakes are higher. I'm not usually nervous while I'm actually playing-- only before and sometimes after. The performance itself is kind of a rush, and I'm usually very comfortable with it-- if very focused. But I'm much more self-aware. I can't always predict whether the performance quality will be better or worse than practice. Sometimes, especially if I haven't practiced as well as I should have, little mistakes that I thought I'd ironed out pop back up in performance. Sometimes (and it's so cool when this happens), I've practiced the piece so much that the technical aspects of it are second nature, and I get into that zen state where I'm able to play even better than I thought I could. Finishing a good performance is like standing on top of the world-- you want to punch the air and yell, "Ha! Take that, world!" It's a great feeling, being inside a song :).